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A beginner's guide to mutual masturbation.

What is mutual masturbation?

Mutual masturbation actually has two definitions: masturbating yourselves in the company of each other, or doing hand stuff to each other. Here, we’re talking about masturbating yourselves, in front of each other. This kind of partnered solo play can happen in the same room, via video, or even on the phone if you’re shy.


How does mutual masturbation work in relationships?

It’s arguably the most intimate thing you can do with a partner (but it’s so hot!). You’re letting them watch and listen as you do something that most people do in private. It can be super exciting, but also quite scary if it’s your first time! As for your partner, having a front row seat to you pleasuring yourself can crank up the heat quite a lot.

With mutual masturbation, pleasure is guaranteed, because each of you gets to do what you already know feels good for you. It’s also the best sex education you can give, because your partner(s) get to learn how to give you pleasure from the most experienced instructor, yourself. If you want to introduce sex toys into the bedroom, this is a great way to do so, and you can show your partner how you use your favourite toys.

Consider mutual masturbation, a more chilled-out, non-penetrative way to be with someone else. You can both have a good time, and it’s safe! There is no risk of transmitting STI’s if each person is touching only themselves.

Can mutual masturbation improve sexual performance?

Short answer, Yes! Mutual masturbation can allow you to gain valuable insights about your own body, along with your partner’s desires and preferences. The shared experience of mutual masturbation can bring everyone a deeper understanding of what brings pleasure to each other, therefore developing a stronger connection in the bedroom. Additionally, witnessing your partner pleasuring themselves undoubtedly increases arousal and passion during sexual encounters.

How often should we engage in mutual masturbation with our partner(s)?

How long’s a piece of string!  There’s no perfect answer to this question and it’s all down to the people involved; the key thing is communication.  Speaking with your partner(s) and understanding their wants and needs is a great place to start – open communication is crucial in any relationship.  Some people may prefer regular mutual masturbation time, whilst others may be more turned on by spontaneous acts!  What matters most, is mutual consent and honest communication. 


Are there misconceptions?

Mutual masturbation is unfortunately still a taboo topic for a lot of people, and with this comes several misconceptions. One myth is that it’s solely for people who can’t have ‘penetrative sex’, however this isn’t true. It can be an exciting and intimate experience for all couples. All sexual activities, including masturbation, are considered as ‘real’ forms of sexual expression! Mutual masturbation can be enjoyed by everyone, and can be a pleasurable and safe activity, regardless of their ability for penetrative intercourse.

How do you get down to it?

You can suggest mutual masturbation in a variety of ways. Perhaps you send him a cheeky text during the day, or suggest it whilst you’re getting freaky. Let your partner know how hot it would be to watch each other have sex…

Maybe start by stripping down. You lose the clothing; they become more excited, win win! Then let them know that they can’t touch you – only themselves.

Top tips from us

Plan ahead about what setting (and sex toys) might make masturbating together feel especially good.

Once you’ve discussed and shown what you and your partner each like, consider how you can make this happen. Do you need toys, towels, a playlist? If this is your first time, create an environment you will both feel relaxed in. Think about what's going to be comfortable for you.


Talk to each other about what you're each thinking and doing as you go.

Keeping an open approach will help you both have the best possible time. Ask questions, let them know how you’re feeling, and of course, make sure everything is both consensual and fun. If you’re both feeling like this isn’t your thing, call it off, that’s fine! Pleasure doesn’t have a set narrative and each person is different.

However, if you are both feeling it, keep a conversation going, explore what you’re enjoying. By describing how you're touching yourself or inviting your partner to do the same, you might learn something new, too.



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