Whether you’re a pro or this is your first time, giving a lap dance or a striptease to your partner should be a powerful, empowering, and sensual experience for you as much as it will be a sexy gift for your partner as you slowly reveal yourself and build up the anticipation.
In this article, Love Not War has put together some tips for you to turn your striptease from an awkward fumble that leaves you breathless for the wrong reasons, into something that leaves you feeling sexy, powerful, and ready to play.
1. Create a sexy space to set the mood
Firstly, nothing is less attractive than a dirty space – make sure the sheets are clean, all laundry and dishes have been picked up and the space is clear. The added benefit of this as well is that it means you haven’t got to worry about any tripping hazards; there is nothing sexy about a hospital trip!
Next up you need to set the mood. You can do this by creating ‘mood lighting’ with fairy lights, candles or table lamps as they tend to be softer lights than ceiling lights.
2. Choose your outfit
When it comes to choosing your outfit there are so many options you can choose from – a skirt and top, a matching lingerie set, a roleplay outfit … the options are endless. The advice we at Love Not War give is, to wear something you are comfortable moving around in and you can easily take off. This can be just lingerie, a skirt or shorts and a top. Overall, when picking your outfit wear something that you feel confident and sexy in.
A pro-tip: if you’re wearing a bra, practice unclasping it from behind and if you’re going for a top and skirt consider something that can be tied instead of trying to battle buttons in the middle of your routine.
When it comes to wearing heels, only wear them if you are confident that you can a) move in them and b) remove your clothes around them. If you do not normally wear heels then do not wear them, remember you want to be comfortable and confident from start to finish of your routine, not worrying you will trip over.
3. Picking a song/creating a playlist
When picking a song, unless you are confident you can move to it, don’t go for something with a fast tempo instead go for something slower, with bass and a beat you can easily follow. Some personal recommendations are ‘Poison’ by Alice Cooper or Beyonce’s ‘Partition’ depending on your music taste.
For inspiration, places like YouTube and Spotify have hundreds of playlists pre-made for pole, lap and burlesque that should help you find the perfect song or songs that get you in the mood and help you feel confident, sensual, and sexy.
4. Key moves for every lap dance
Remember you don’t have to be doing tricks, flips or headstands to be sexy, keep it simple and start slow. If you’re a beginner or this is your first time trying anything like this, keep it simple and use these key moves to instantly get your partner in the mood and you looking like a pro!
- Start away from your partner and when the music starts, sway your hips in time as you move your hands over yourself including into your hair, then in time with the music move towards them still swaying. To make it even hotter, hold eye contact the entire time.
- Stand between your partner's thighs as you bend over them, arch your back so your butt is in the air and put your hands on your partner's thighs or the arm of the chair – this will give them a full view of your body and make you look sexy and powerful as you move above them. Remember to keep gently swaying your hips to the music, preferably in time!
- Go on to your knees, run your hands up and down and squeeze your partner's thighs and move up their body. For added intensity, you can hold eye contact and end the move as if you’re going to kiss them before moving away.
- When you’re in your partner's lap, move your hips in a circular motion or grind down on their crotch area as you guide their hands over you. Alternatively, you can do this with your back to your partner and use the armrests or their thighs to give you balance. To make it extra sexy and your butt look amazing, remember to arch your back
5. Taking your clothes off
A key part of a striptease is the stripping part – as we mentioned earlier you want to be wearing clothes that are both comfortable but also easy to take off. Leave the corsets and bras with multiple straps for another time.
Firstly, it is important that you feel comfortable when performing so always remember you can choose how much clothing you take off! If you only want to take your top off or maybe just leave yourself in your lingerie that is completely fine! The whole point of performing a striptease for your partner is it is supposed to be something fun to spice up your sex life so you should be comfortable the entire time.
When you are taking your top or bra off, do it slowly as you run your hands over your chest or breasts, with a top you almost want it to look like you are dragging it off you. If you have large breasts, this will cause them to bounce and draw your partner's eye to your body. If you are taking your underpants off, then maybe try turning around and arching your back and perking your butt up as you slowly draw them down your legs till you can safely step out of them.
If you are not confident dancing, a tip for performing a striptease is to take your clothes off when you are already in your partner's lap. Grind your hips down or have them move in a figure of eight as you drag your top off you. To build up intimacy, and to help you keep balance, you can guide your partner's hands to hold your hips as you arch your back and take your top off. Not only will it look sexy as hell, but it will create an intimate moment between you and them that will add to the moment’s atmosphere.
6. Eye contact
A great thing about holding eye contact is that it creates an intimate moment between you and the person you’re looking at as well as giving off the feeling that you are in charge, helping you step into your inner sensuality and confidence. Plus, let’s be honest nothing will make you feel sexier than seeing the look of arousal on your partner’s face as you take your clothes off.
7. Remember your partner isn’t judging you
No matter if you’re a pro or this is your first time doing anything like this, you’re not in a competition and no one is there to judge you. This is a private moment behind closed doors and probably with a partner that has seen you dance around the kitchen to a cheesy cleaning playlist and still thinks you’re the sexiest person they have seen, so you should lean into that and allow yourself to relax and enjoy the moment.
Trust us, they will just be in awe that you have chosen to share this with them!
8. Have fun and don’t take yourself seriously
The final tip for today is to have fun. Smile at your partner, take a deep breath before you start and enjoy the amazing songs that you have chosen to dance to! Remember the whole point of performing a striptease is to be sexy and confident and this only happens when you are comfortable in your own skin.
When you allow yourself to enjoy the moment, you will find that you can be the hottest version of yourself because you’re enjoying yourself. Remember that a striptease shouldn’t just be all about the person receiving it but also about the person dancing - you.
Written by Katrina Fairhurst