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Have some Pride: Queering up sex toys

When we normally discuss the use of sex toys and vibrators it is normally discussed within the heteronormative gaze of different-sex couple play or masturbation by cis-gendered vulva owners. As we enter Pride Month this June, we at love. not war. pride ourselves on creating a range of eco-friendly sex toys that can be used by everyone regardless of sex and gender. 

This Pride Month, we are showing how you can use sex toys no matter your sexuality or gender, either on yourself or with your partner to create new sensations and experience pleasure. 

Can Sex Toys be Queered up? 

Many sex toy companies tend to focus on cis-gendered bodies when discussing and creating their products. From gendered language to a focus on penetration it reinforces the gender binary and gate keeps who can use sex toys. When we use non-gendered language when describing our vibrator range, we can make sure our products are inclusive of all genders, including trans/non-binary/intersex and gender fluid people. 

This is something that needs to become more widespread as we recognise that pleasure, sensuality and enjoying your sexuality shouldn’t be forced into one box of who can enjoy this. Alongside this, by moving away from realistic, phallic, and penetrative only sex toys, we can open the gate for everyone to find a vibrator no matter their body.

Through external vibrators, that are commonly used to pleasure the clit or vulva, we can shift this to a more multi-purpose vibrator to focus on other erogenous zones as well such as nipples, and thighs and even the body allowing a deeper understanding of sexuality and pleasure that isn’t heteronormative. 

Using Sex Toys as a Queer Vulva Owner 

As a Queer vulva-owner, using sex toys and vibrators on yourself is the same as using one as a heterosexual, however, vibrators can be utilised with a same-sex partner to create new sensations that will leave you gasping.  From double-ended vibrators to strap-ons we tend to still think of same-sex females and pleasure as based around penetrative sex, and although this can be done, using one of our hand help g-spot vibrators like Liebe or Kama on your partner to create a new form of intimacy between you, this does not have to be the case.  

Why not try adding a wand between the both of you to grind against to build intimacy? External vibrators are great for foreplay as well as you can use them to focus on your erogenous zones as you build up to sex. For a more intense sensation, you can also use an external vibrator when performing oral for dual sensations that will leave your partner seeing rainbows! 

Can Queer penis owners use sex toys? 

When it comes to queer-penis owners, sex toys tend to be focused on prolonging sex or as a build-up to the main event, from cock rings to butt plugs to help aid in stretching out the muscles for anal sex. But vibrators can also be used on the penis for a more intense feeling.

Try running a bullet vibrator, like Maya, or even a wand, like Koi, along the frenulum vein on the underside of the penis or even use a rabbit headed clitoral vibrator at the head of the penis, either during foreplay or even during sex for a new sensation other than just a hand. 


As mentioned above, many external sex toys are great for all over the body as well, why not use a wand to run over your partner’s body during a sensual massage to ensure a deeper muscle relaxation? It should be of note that at love. not war. we do not recommend using any of our toys for anal play, as you should only use sex toys that have been made with anal in mind as they are made specifically for internal use because of their flared base to ensure easy removal. 

Sex toys are for everyone, no matter your gender or sexuality and should be celebrated as such. By making vibrators and sex toys that focus on pleasure points rather than looking realistic or only focusing on penetration, you can move beyond the heteronormative gaze of who is using them. Whether you’re using sex toys during masturbation or with your partner(s) at love. not war., most of our eco-friendly vibrator range can be used not just on a vulva, but on the nipples, thighs, and penises to create fun and intense sensations all over the body so everyone can experience pleasure this pride month!

Written by Katrina Fairhurst



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