If you have had sex, you’ll know it’s not how it seems in the movies or on porn, and there’s a reason for that. Sex isn’t a movie or a theatrical performance (unless you’re into that!) it’s normal to have mishaps, create funny smells, and feel different feelings! Let’s explore some truths about sex…
Not everyone will ‘finish’
Sex doesn’t have to be, and shouldn’t be goal orientated. Enjoy the journey, get to know yourself and your partner. What’s the rush? You can even introduce a toy, and if you’re unsure on how to do so, we have a whole blog about it!
Pleasure isn’t one specific moment, it’s an entire journey. Even the term ‘foreplay’ implies that the stuff that comes before penetrative sex is just the “before stuff.” However, we think you should prioritise the fun acts you usually ‘rush through’ to get to penetrative sex. If “Are you close?” “Did you orgasm?” and “Cum for me” are common phrases used during your downtime, you should change this up! Instead, ask:
“Does this feel good for you?”
“What can I do to bring you pleasure right now?”
“I want to make you feel good.”
Not only will this shift the goal, it will help you and your partner learn what you both love about each other.
Everyone has different sexual needs and desires - you cant assume someone knows yours
Telling someone what you do and don’t like shouldn’t be a mood killer. In fact, you should encourage openly talking about this so that you can both get the most out of your sexual experience. A lack of decent sex education has left many people in the dark when it comes to discussing their sexual needs and desires openly.
Having too much pride and not knowing how to express your likes and fantasies may put a barrier up, leaving you feeling underwhelmed. Try and start the conversation casually, asking your SO ‘What’s the hottest thing someone’s ever done for you before?’ or ‘What’s your ultimate fantasy’. Hopefully, with this in mind, you and your partner can both pick up on these things and introduce them in the bedroom.
You’ll have times where you don’t desire sex as much
Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship can probably agree that no matter how great the sex was at the beginning, things tend to slow down eventually. There’s no specific reason as to why, however there is a never ending list of possibilities, and here are just a few:
- Lack of sleep
- Having children or a new baby
- Certain medical conditions
- Being on certain medications
- Depression or anxiety
- Lack of confidence
- Lack of communication
- Boredom or dissatisfaction with your sex
It's very common for sex in long-term relationships to go through different phases, including some in which one partner doesn't want to be intimate or feels like they don't like sex with their partner. Having mismatched sex drives in your relationship is totally fine, however it is important to communicate this with your partner. If you know you've just not been feeling it recently, it's important to take some time to pause and communicate this with your partner. Mismatched sex drives is never a you vs. them problem; the two of you are on the same side, the same team, facing this shared challenge together!
Everyone creates weird smells, faces and noises
Getting accurate information about sex can be really hard, especially if you’ve not had it before and don’t know what to expect. People may often turn to porn for answers.
However, whilst a lot of people watch porn, a lot of people don’t! It’s totally normal to not like porn, so don’t let anyone make you feel weird if you’re just not into it. If you do though, you’ll soon realise that porn and real life sex are not the same, AT ALL. Porn does not reflect what real sex is like. Porn is focused on how sex looks, not how it feels. Sex can get sweaty and smelly at times. There may be farting, queefing, and other weird things going on from time to time. This is normal, however you can’t edit this out in real life! Remember, sex CAN get awkward, and how you mitigate the awkwardness can make or break your connection with your partner.
So just remember next time you aren’t feeling yourself, or you felt embarrassed in the bedroom, this is normal, and it happens to everyone, no matter your age or experience!